March 27-April 2
This is taking forever.
Impossible
♈ Aries: March 21–April 19:
Faster is better this week. Go at a speed that works a bit of sweat on your nose. You don’t want to drip sweat, but beads that prickle when you’re heading fast to your goal is quite okay. This doesn’t mean you aren’t kind to yourself! Drink water, eat apples, and add peanut butter to things unless you’re allergic (and don’t exchange it for that horrid pretend peanut butter, and use a slice of sharp cheddar instead). Plump your pillows, and sleep tight. Enjoy the trophy on Sunday.
♉ Taurus: April 20–May 20:
Nice little plants finish first sometimes, and your time is now. This shift is fertile for your roots and shoots alike. Remember that wish you wrote in your journal when the year turned to 2023? Look back, then look at your feet. You are much, much closer. Yay you!
♊ Gemini: May 21–June 21:
This is a great week to settle on the couch and dream a little longer than usual. Wear some gold to attract the light, and add a colour to your wardrobe, pretty please. If you’re really struggling, it’s time to bake a small confetti cake to celebrate your gifts. The cosmic intercom is ready if you want to make a wish before you blow out the candle. Kiss your mirror, too. This is self-love time.
♋ Cancer: June 22–July 22:
Dancing by yourself is a very normal activity for you right now. The planets are really begging you to center yourself in your own solar system and doodle your next big thing. Your big thing doesn’t need to be anyone else’s and doesn’t need to be shared right now, because it is asking to stay protected in its crab shell for another few weeks while it collects possibilities. If you need extra good vibes, hum some old show tunes. This is your frequency.
♌ Leo: July 23–August 22:
Love is blind, which is annoying for someone so sparkly and cute. But this is the truth, and you are going to struggle a bit with the reality of it. The rest of us can tell you that the good part of the idiom is the joy of the love that pours on you — it’s blind to your outside but knows your wildfire insides, and loves them in a way that can’t be washed off. This is not a message to stop wearing your favourite lipstick. Wear extra.
♍ Virgo: August 23–September 22:
If you were on a deserted island, how many pairs of shoes would you need? Lots more than zero, right? Count your pairs and match your socks, and pretend your emotional island isn’t so deserted after all. This shift we are in is showing you that you are both totally alone with your thoughts, and also part of all of humanity’s too. You might need a translator to see it, and that is a very smart thing to do. We suggest you find yourself a trio of air signs to act as your guides.
♎ Libra: September 23–October 23:
Polka-dot luck is landing in your lap, which means you can choose the dots or the background to focus on — both are integral to the pattern. Alternatively, the chocolate chips are just as cool as the dough. Heartbeats are very enjoyable, and so is the pause between them. You get a little boost from the gods to see the whole and the parts and savor both much more than the rest. If you want, you can tell the others, but they might not hear you. I would suggest you just eat the whole cookie yourself.
♏ Scorpio: October 24–November 21:
Pick a new skill to try before Thursday. Nothing big, but something skillful. This is a little mission that I’m sending you on, to focus you on a manageable task for a week of flux. If you stock up on kleenex with lotion, no one will fault you. Tears are a normal expression of your soul.
♐ Sagittarius: November 22–December 21:
Ask questions. Mess with your algorithm by looking at long-form videos of plants growing and flowers blooming when you feel a bit grumpy (and you will more than usual). Suddenly you decide on new rules and red flags. Maybe you’ll decide you distrust anyone with a necklace, or maybe you will not abide by the jokes about cats, or you’ll choose to talk to people with three freckles that form a perfect line. It’s a weird week for you, and it’s not going to last.
♑ Capricorn: December 22–January 19
There is a bit of a low-level electrical shock that zip-zaps your teeth and knees when you’re on the right track. This week you need to tune into that feeling and cuddle an extra pillow to ward off panic. Slip into the new direction with an easy pace, because you’re not cool with what is happening. Speak up when you need to, but think before you bray.
♒ Aquarius: January 20–February 18:
Suddenly everyone is wearing their shirts like you do! Inside-out, backward, based on a forecast for a different city that you checked too fast before you walked out the door! It’s fashionable to be an airhead. You are the vibe. Everyone is watching where you go next. You only need to follow your instincts. We know recipes are stupid!
♓ Pisces: February 19–March 20:
You’re swimming in the school right now, and you might not like the direction they’re headed. Swim closer to the back and watch the horizon. It’s actually going to be okay — the school knows what the tiny fish called you might not. Don’t wear heels. This week is clumsy for you. Watch your step. Take stairs slowly. Pick up your clothes or you’ll be tripping.
