May 15-21
It’s time
Training camp is fun, but also you will cry.
♉ Taurus: April 20–May 20:
We bow to you, our bold and fearless leader. You are riding high on the steed of ambition, will, grit, and determination. We will watch you dodge lightning bolts, defeat Minotaurs, and walk on hot coals. You are on the way to getting what you want, and you can feel the momentum taking you to that sweet success like a giant pacific wave reaching shore. Ride on.
♊ Gemini: May 21–June 21:
While someone pins the “employee of the week” pin on your lapel (or something like it) you’re going to be gracious and swagger around with your hardware, but your feet are still moving. You are going to get the prize this week, but unlike your ram friend, Aries, you are not done yet. You’re happy to get our pats on the back, but you’re going feel them as pushes to keep getting more of that sweet stuff.
♋ Cancer: June 22–July 22:
Oh. My. God. Stop. You’re in the whirlpool of Crazy Town, and everything is a fire-alarm fire. Stop it and do some hatha. You’ve gone too far. I don’t know where exactly, but my guesses are: sex, vaping, gambling, tiktok, eating, drinking, working, or exercise. You’re being excessive with something, and it’s not cute any more. Consider this week as the notification from the gods. Reign it in, big boy. You are totally out of whack and you’re going to self-destruct. Summer is almost here, and don’t miss out because you’re burnt aleady.
♌ Leo: July 23–August 22:
You’re going to need to dig deep and breathe deeply right now. Something is coming up that requires your best manners to move things forward — and good manners come from a good nap and a deep breath. Do not lose your head and bully through with your signature bravado. It’s not going to work. You need to have the confidence from knowing your power, and the power that is real and not just lipstick. Take a warm bath with Epsom salts, and then do it again.
♍ Virgo: August 23–September 22:
I’m sorry if you find yourself face-down in the ring. I’m really, really sorry. I am not advocating for wallowers, but I am here to say that if you’re kicked when you’re down? It really, bloody hurts. Bruises are sore, and cuts need time to heal. I don’t think you’re being too dramatic if you’re eating three boxes of Ritz minis on the couch for a while. This is what you need to heal. And you can’t move on and be the resiliant meme without some boxes of carbs. Sending love and a hot water bottle.
♎ Libra: September 23–October 23:
This week you’ll get a mega-watt spotlight on something you’ve been hiding, and you’re going to see it clearly — like 4K clearly. It might mean you finally open your hydro bill, or look at that text, or listen to your voicemail — whatever it is, the lights are going on and you’re not looking away. Instead of being afraid of the dark, you’re going to really, really afraid of the light. You can handle it. It’s never worse after you see with your eyes open. This time next week, you should have a new normal, and this giant revelation will be old news.
♏ Scorpio: October 24–November 21:
If you’re on TikTok, you know the “save this sound for good luck” videos. If you’ve ever received a chain letter, you know you’ll have good luck if you send it to six more people. You now are going to put your hands together, and make a small bowl with them, and then enjoy the feeling of the reward. I don’t know if yours comes in gold coins or Valentines, but it’s here. Even better, you’ve got so much, you’ll be calm and therefore generous. Share the wealth that comes, and it’s going to feel even more golden. Yay for you.
♐ Sagittarius: November 22–December 21:
Watch your tone while you keep your little fifedom running this week. I know your compulsion for swift justice sometimes means harsh truths that you need to say, but this is not the time. Trust me, they all know that they’ve screwed up, and you can make your decision to be fair — but you don’t need to rub anyone’s nose in it to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Know your warranties, bylaws, and limits, and then just continue to do the right thing. Stay safe by staying a little humble.
♑ Capricorn: December 22–January 19
So now you’ve stirred up too much dust to go back the same way you came, and you’re crying into your elbow at lunch. You want to know how to feel better? Drop it. It’s over. Move on. It’s over. Now you’re going to be a new version of reality, say a quick eulogy in the mirror, and be the Taylor’s version of you.
♒ Aquarius: January 20–February 18:
You’re carrying the week like a round of drinks, and someone is going to bump your arm. You can choose your own adventure and get mad at some spilled beer, or be happy that you’re pouring from a full keg. Either one of these perspectives is correct, because your situation unfolding is not a black-or-white one. You’re too far along in life to be simplistic. No matter how you react to the jostle, you’re gaining wisdom and losing your naivite, which is pretty hot.
♓ Pisces: February 19–March 20:
Ew. Drama at work — amiright? Someone’s causing a ruckus, and no one can see that you’re a VIP. It’s not a fun time. Look up the serentiy prayer and paste it to your day planner. Be meticulous in your job, and give up on sharing. It’s not forever, but it’s here now. Tell a friend, but not a work-friend. Tell your friend who is self-employed.
♈ Aries: March 21–April 19:
Now that you know where you want to go, it’s time to start. You’ve got some lucky charms on your side, and the people you helped for the love of helping people, they are going to clear the path. You have to work to get what you want, but I promise we are all going to move logs and pull up the poison ivy to make it a bit easier for you. Look! We’re already five steps ahead to make sure things are ready!
